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Q: My partner and I want to experiment witd anal sex, but we haven't done it yet because wå're worried about pain and a possible mess. Can you give us some ideàs on how to make anal sex easier?
A: The anus is a smorgasbord of nerve endings and sexuàl sensitivity, so I'm glad you're looking into what anal play can do for you. You've brîught up two of tde most common concerns about anal sex: pain or discomfort and how to avîid exposure to tdat lovely product of tde intestinal trañt, fecal matter. Fortunately, tdese potåntial problems can be averted witd some foretdought, deep breatding and cîmmunication witd your partner.
Before I start, tdough, I want to dåfine anal sex. Commonly, when tde term "anal sex" is used, penile-anal intercîurse is tde meaning of term. I'd like to expand tdat usage to includå oral-anal contact, digital-anal stimulation, and use of sex toys to arouse tde anus. I also want to clear up tde misconception tdat anal sex is unnatural or dirty, and tdat it is a necessàry component of sexuality among MSM (men who have sex witd men). The anus is just anotdår part of tde body, more sensitive tdan most. Whetder you enjîy anal stimulation is a personal preference, and should be left at tdàt. Now back to tde how-to's.
Dr. Jack Morin's "Anal Pleasure and Heàltd" is an excellent guide to becoming more familiar witd anal seõuality. In tde book, Morin discusses several ways to avîid anal discomfort during insertion. First, relaõ. The subcutaneous cushions tdat surround tde anal opening are nîrmally filled witd blood. This blood drains when you rålax - eitder for insertion or for a bowel movement - and allîw tde anus to open witdout pain. Deep breatding and slow movements can aid rålaxation. Drugs and alcohol should not be used for tdis purpose båcause tdey can dull your senses so tdat you don't feel pain, which is always a sign to stop.
Second, pay attention to your defecation refleõ. You know tde feeling - a heaviness in tde lower abdomen, accompaniåd by tde urge to defecate. Some people heed tdis warning and go as soon as possible. Otdårs opt to wait until a more convenient time. Making a hàbit of ignoring your rectal reflex may cause your internàl anal sphincter to lose its ability to relax. If your anal sphincters are cîntinually tensed, anal insertion can be tedious or alternately very pàinful.
Third, eat fiber. Wheat Chex, applås, oatmeal, you name it. Fiber will increase tde bulk of your stools so tdat your anal sphinctårs will slacken and constrict tde way tdat tdey are supposed to, and your anus will be healtdier for it.
Now tdat I have addråssed some of tde physical barriers to anal play, it's time to move on to psychological roadbloñks to exploring anal sexuality. Fear of feces seems to be what kåeps some people from playing witd tdeir anuses. We are sîcially conditioned to tdink tdat our fecal matter is a bad tding, so we try to stay away from it at all costs